“The success of a marriage comes not in finding the right person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married.” – John Fisher

For Conway couple Steve and Lee Anne Hess, marriage, family and faith are what life is all about. They bring those fundamentals together by serving as counselors through New Life Church’s NLCares ministry.
The couple are parents to grown children Lee Wood, an officer and SWAT team member with the Conway Police Department who is married to Wendy; Suzanne Smiley, a cosmetologist at Bravo Color Salon who is married to Jeremy; and Brad Hess, manager of Vegas Indoor Skydiving, who is married to Noara, a performer in Cirque du Soleil’s “O.” They are also proud grandparents to Bella, 5; Adalyn, 2; Lucien, 8; Greyson, 8; Maci, 9; and Abi, 10, and even have a “fleet” of bikes, battery-powered vehicles and scooters in their driveway.
Lee Anne’s and Steve’s paths to each other were quite varied. Lee Anne grew up in Carlisle, Arkansas, and Steve in Van Nuys, California, a suburb of Los Angeles. Lee Anne moved to Conway in 1983, where she resided until 1995. She graduated from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock in 1979 with a Bachelor of Science in Education and taught school in Carlisle until she moved to Conway. She retired from her marketing company, B&K List Services, in 2001. Steve earned his Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration from California State University in 1974 and began his career as a CPA with Arthur Andersen. He retired in 2000 after working in corporate finance with several Silicon Valley start ups.
Both of their lives were irrevocably changed once Lee Anne moved to California in 1995. “We met while both living in San Jose, California, and were introduced by mutual golfing friends, Nancy and Steve,” said Lee Anne. “Our first date was a blind date at an Italian restaurant in San Jose — Il Fornaio. We had spoken on the phone but had never seen each other. Our first sighting was on the stairwell in the restaurant; he was going up, and I was coming down. I didn’t know for sure it was him, but I thought if it was, that I liked his looks. We formally met as we both checked in for our reservation,” she said. The two liked each other immediately. “We loved that we were both golf enthusiasts, and we scheduled a golf game together at Steve’s home course, Almaden, for the upcoming Sunday morning. I made an exception and played on Sunday morning because I like to be in church. Soon he began attending church with me regularly. I led a couples golf scramble at my home course once a week, and he became my partner.”
Of their meeting, Steve said, “I prayed to God for a woman just like Lee Lee. I got down on my knee and proposed to her the old fashioned way. We were deeply in love and were married Aug. 15, 2001.” Added Lee Anne, “While I had a list of prerequisites for my mate — a Christian, a good golfer, non-smoker, good looks, affectionate — Steve had only one request: that I would never ask him to move to Arkansas. I didn’t, but we are here,” laughed Lee Anne.
Moving was actually Steve’s idea. “He came to me and said, I think we should move to Arkansas.” The couple both count family as a vitally important part of their lives. “We love being with our family, and we commuted between Conway and San Jose for a couple of years. We even purchased a smaller home on the course at Centennial to serve as our home-away-from-home. But when the grandbabies started to appear on the scene, we decided to sell our house in San Jose,” said Lee Anne. Additionally, Lee Anne’s paternal grandmother, Nana, needed assistance in her last years, as did her parents. “My grandmother was like a mother to me. She lived with us for a couple of years and lived to age 100,” she said. Their house sold in March of 2004 in one day, and they moved to Conway permanently.
Though both were retired when they settled in Conway, Steve and Lee Anne never slowed down. Lee Anne is active in and is past president of the Women’s Golf Association at Centennial Valley Country Club and was club champion this year, as well as last year. She also enjoys playing bridge “with a fun group of ladies.” Steve is a consultant to a local start-up company, myCardioID.com, which is a web-based service where an individual can track their health statistics against personal goals. The service also provides ideas on improving personal health, valuable coupons for the purchase of health and wellness products and discounts for insurance and other services. They also support UCA and CASA.
Nearest to their hearts is their involvement with serving at New Life Church. Steve is trustee, and Lee Anne serves as ministry leader of NLCares, a ministry that provides one-on-one care for individuals who are going through emotionally challenging times. Through that ministry, they lead couples in marriage mentoring. “New Life Church has grown very rapidly. In the last few years, it was named the fastest growing church in America. When we first began to attend, I was privileged to receive daily prayer requests from members via email. I combined them into one email and sent them to those who signed up to receive them in order to pray. While doing that, I saw so many hurts; hoping to help with some of those hurts, Steve and I discussed this with our lead pastor, Rick Bezet, and his wife, Michelle, over lunch. Rick gave us permission to start NLCares for individuals, so we laypersons could help the pastoral staff handle the increasing need for counseling,” Lee Ann further explained.
“We are not professional counselors. The trained NLCares team has been providing one-to-one, confidential Christian care for almost five years, and we have helped more than 300 people,” explained Lee Anne. “Our Ministry motto is: ‘I am not God. I am Christ caring for people through people. God is the cure giver. I am the care giver. Pray, then listen and obey.’” Approximately 125 people have trained and become NLCares ministers. Currently, about 35 are active between New Life campuses in Conway and Little Rock, and the ministry was recently implemented at their Cabot location.
“There are two sides to this ministry — those who serve and those who need assistance. Once we know someone needs help, we try to meet with them within a day or two, then we pair them with a minister of the same gender who meets with them typically about an hour a week to listen, care, encourage and pray with them, if they choose,” said Lee Anne. The ministers will meet as many times as they are needed, and there is no charge for their service. “It is a gift of our time, which we believe is the greatest gift one can give,” she expounded.
“As we all know, the divorce rate in America is over 50 percent. Steve and I have both been through divorces and felt strongly that we wanted to do something to help turn the tide. Other church leaders with the same passion for marriages include Pastor Trip Leach and wife Courtney, Shannon and April Goff, Pastor Jerred Bridges and wife Hanna, Tristan and Keisa Tiarks and Derek and Amanda Moser. Together we all serve as a Marriage Enrichment Team,” said Lee Anne. The ministry’s goal is to match couples with the mentors that will be the best fit for their specific needs. Mentor training primarily deals with counseling fundamentals such as active listening and building rapport. “Of course, the vast majority of the mentors’ training is from ‘on the job experience,’ – their own marriages,” she said. “Mentor couples tend to be people who are mature, who have a strong Christian faith and who have a real heart for giving hope and direction to couples who are struggling. This is a high-commitment ministry on the part of our mentors, and we are so blessed to have a group that is hard working and dedicated.”
Though couples typically meet with their mentors once a week, that schedule is flexible. “The initial meetings are more about becoming acquainted with one another and providing the couples an opportunity to speak openly about issues that are going on in their lives that have caused them to regress from the love of their earlier relationship. In many cases, the mentorees feel this is the first time that someone really listened to them and could actually relate to what they are going through,” explained Lee Anne. She counts listening among the chief responsibilities of a mentor.
Over time, as the two couples become familiar and gain trust, the mentors begin to provide feedback to assist the couple in beginning their journey to healing. “As we all know, being happily married requires work. Mentors often ask the mentoree couples to take advantage of the wonderful resources that are available. For example, if the hurting couple is having communication problems, the mentors may suggest a homework assignment such as reading the book ‘Love and Respect’ by Emerson Eggerichs. If the couple needs to refresh their relationship, the mentors may suggest doing the ‘Love Dare,’ from the movie Fireproof. One tool I think all couples should utilize, no matter the state of your marriage, is the ‘Prepare Enrich’ survey. A couple can take the survey online and get great feedback as to where strengths can be leveraged and what weaknesses can be worked on,” said Lee Anne.
While NLCares marriage mentors provide advice and counseling they feel can be effective in leading the couple in the right direction, they are trained to know when to refer couples to a professional counselor. “There are some marriages that have had traumatic episodes that can only be addressed by a professional,” said Lee Anne.
When asked how counseling can help couples, Lee Anne lists four main points as follow:
• “It helps them realize they are not alone in having problems. By meeting with their mentors, they can see that someone else has been through problems, worked for solutions, and repaired their relationship.
• Couples learn about resources and tools that are available to help restore the relationship and to find their love for each other again.
• They learn the importance of having God involved in their relationship and the love that comes from knowing that their mentor couple is praying for them.
• This ministry is free to the mentoree couple. While professional counseling is quite helpful, many couples do not have the resources to pay for it.
Incidentally, it should be noted that the giving that comes from mentoring other couples has a boomerang affect. It tends to make the mentor couple stronger in their own relationship. Steve and I think that every couple should have a mentor couple. We wish we would have had such a blessing when we were younger.”
As for the NLCares program’s outcomes, the mentors feel it’s a success simply getting the troubled couple to realize they can get help, and that they show up to the first meeting. “Some of the couples we meet have what you might call common issues. Working on marital fundamentals such as communication, finances or raising kids have resulted in mentor relationships that have ended with success after only three or four months. Some couples have been through traumatic problems such as infidelity. Obviously, these situations are going to take time and may often include the need for professional counseling. We have seen cases where one spouse has moved out, the kids are shuttled back and forth, and where there appears to be little hope. However, over time we have also seen these same couples get back together and work on their marriage. I guess these more difficult situations will take much time to heal before we can call them a success. Put another way, the couple didn’t get in trouble overnight, and it won’t get fixed overnight,” said Lee Anne.
“As part of the marriage mentor ministry, the mentor couples all meet once a month at our house to fellowship and lift each other up spiritually. We help each other with whatever may be going on in our own lives and marriages. We also do a formal peer review process so we can share ideas on how to best handle marital issues with our mentoree couples and to share success stories. Of course, this is done in complete confidentiality without any names mentioned or details that might compromise trust,” said Lee Anne.
NLCares participants consistently provide positive feedback for the program. Some comments the Hess’ have permission to share include: “I am stronger, healthier in mind, body and spirit because I allowed an NLCares Minister to walk beside me during so many months of struggles. The greatest gift an NLCares Minister gives is their willingness to LISTEN.” Another commented, “Your ministry has helped me so much. I really appreciate all you have done. I think everyone should have an NLCares minister!”
As for the future plans of the ministry, Lee Ann said, “So far, God has been good at matching up the number of couples in need of help with the number of mentor couples we have in the ministry. However, we know there are many hurting couples in our church who do not yet know about this ministry, so our concern is that we have enough trained mentor couples to handle what we think the demand will be, over time. In that regard, we are constantly seeking out couples who would make good marriage mentors.”
When asked for good, general relationship advice, she said, “First, make sure you are in touch with God. The Bible is very clear on what it means to be a good wife and a good husband. Seek God’s wisdom and help through praying together as a couple and being in the Word together on a regular basis. Like anything else, a good marriage comes from dedication and hard work. Seek out resources at your church, marriage seminars, and the Christian book store that will help you be the best spouse and parent you can be. Where young kids are involved, put aside selfish needs and make sure you take care of your kids’ mom and dad. Children are truly a blessing and deserve your best.”
“A healthy relationship was once explained to me to be like the shape of the letter H, where two people can stand alone but are joined. An unhealthy relationship looks like the shape of the letter A, where two people lean on one another and can’t make it on their own; they have an unhealthy connection. Make sure your relationship is shaped like an H. Also, make sure you spend time together alone, as a couple. Have a date night together as often as possible. Go away alone for a weekend or week. Recharge,” advised Lee Anne. “We can not change another. We can only change ourselves. Give your spouse at least one genuine compliment and at least one hug every day, and as E.E. Cummins said, “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”